Feminist Critic Anita Sarkeesian Releases Politics Into City Water Supply

Feminist media critic Anita Sarkeesian has carried out her threat to contaminate the city’s water supply with politics, continuing to evade law enforcement officers who work around the clock to apprehend her.

Speaking in a video released to YouTube, a haggard looking Sarkeesian taunts authorities by taking a long, powerful drink from a glass of sparkling tap water before turning to the camera and saying “Access to fresh water is a basic human right, yet we — the wealthiest nation on earth — cannot even provide for it for the poorest among us.”

An estimated 36% of city residents have already tested positive for politics, with authorities fearing that the actual number may be as high as 100%. Bottled water is being provided to the unaffected areas of the city in the hopes of slowing the infection.

“Everyone and everything is political now,” complained one detective assigned to the case. “I can’t even look at my fellow officers without wondering whether the police are really agents of justice, or simply unknowing enforcers of a broken system designed to protect the rich and powerful.”

Game stores have been some of the hardest hit, with one local Gamestop closing down temporarily until the city’s residents can be cured of politics and the store can be scrubbed of meaning or intent by specialised cleanup teams.

One employee at the Gamestop in question is worried that even this may not be enough, afraid to return to work in case “the politics were in games all along”.

Sarkeesian remains at large. Citizens are advised not to look directly at her as doing so may cause you to be paralysed with questions about the power dynamics of gender roles in society and your place within that structure.