Xbox Officially Endorses Mario As Democratic Candidate

In a stunning and unexpected bipartisan move, the Xbox brand has officially come out in support of Mario, Nintendo’s iconic mascot, as the Democratic candidate for the 2020 US election. The company, which was expected to endorse Master Chief as the best man for the job, has instead thrown its support behind the beloved plumber.

“At Xbox, we believe in the power of players,” Xbox representative Phil Spencor (not to be confused with Phil Spencer) said, “and we’re proud that so many gamers have seen themselves reflected in our great characters, from Blinx the Cat to the boat from Sea of Thieves.”

“But if gamers are to win the next election, we all need to come together against Donald…” Spencor paused, the importance of landing the next moment obviously weighing heavy on him, “Dump.”

It’s the latest in a long series of events and happenings that suggest Microsoft and Nintendo forming a sort-of friendship, from Cuphead being published on the Switch to the fact that Waluigi has been sleeping on Major Nelson’s couch for the last three months.

Gamers have, in turn, praised Microsoft for their willingness to reach across the aisle and recognise the qualities of their economic rivals, while also promising to “boycott and harass” the company for “bringing politics into games.” YouTuber Branfon Stunt said that it was “great to finally see two giants of the industry recognising that gamers must come first,” but also that he was “now going to vote for Trump out of spite.”

“Of course games are political,” Spencor said in a follow-up tweet. “If they’re not, then how come Mario is going to be the next president?”

Asked to respond to Xbox’s nomination, Mario shouted “Wahoo! I’m-a number one!” before launching into a perfectly executed triple-jump. It’s an interesting move for the dungaree-wearing outsider, who has shown no previous interest in politics (and whose right to contest the presidency of America is likely to come into question) but his slogan “Let’s a-go!” and his addiction to mushrooms has already struck a chord with many young voters.

When reached for comment, a PlayStation representative said that the company was “planning on backing Joe Biden.” The former vice president later thanked the company by turning away from the woman he was harassing and expressing a fondness for the “Game Boy.”