Best Friends Forever: Henry Cavill And I Both Know What A Computer Is

Great news, folks! I’ve just finished reading a meme on Reddit about actor Henry Cavill, who – and I know how this sounds – once used a computer. He did! That’s right. And here’s where it gets really twisted, but stay with me: I have also played a video game, on, in fact, a computer. Just like Henry Cavill, who is my soulmate. 

Now you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Wow, you and Henry Cavill must be best friends!” and here’s the thing – we totally are. We are now and from henceforth will be super best buds forever, and it’s all because of our special and unique connection where we can both recognise a computer if it is shown to us and we’re given a moment to inspect it with our hands.

Incredibly, although Cavill still hasn’t told me what type of computer he owns, what monitor he is using, or what his phone number and blood type are, there’s no doubt in my mind that we are essentially getting married but in a platonic way. Which is normal! It’s just a normal thing that two people who both understand what the word “computer” means do when they meet up like we have. Best buds kind of stuff. Pals, if you will. Brothers.

Making our friendship even deeper is the incredible, astronomically slim chance that both Henry “My Best Friend Henza” Cavill and I have, at some point in time, played World of Warcraft. What are the odds? Approximately one in twenty or thirty million? Yes they are, which is why it is fate that we were able to find each other and share this special thing we have (friendship, which again is real and powerful, like Superman–a character I believe Henry Cavill could play).

Critics including my former family members, Henry Cavill’s publicist, and the local police department, suggest that my true and real friendship with Henno the H-Bomb is nothing more than me “compensating for a lack of genuine leadership figures in a society driven by marketplace capitalism rather than ideas” and that I should ‘stop”, which sounds absurd to me and Henry. We won’t be having any of that! We have World of Warcraft to play together, or at least we would if Henry would accept my Battle.net friend request (sent on a computer, to show that I understand him).

So let this be a warning to anyone else out there who thinks they have a right to Henry: he is my best friend and I understand him perfectly on a deep personal level which you never could. He lives inside my heart now, and I will carry him within me until my life is extinguished. Any day now he will use his computer (I also own a computer) to send me an email confirming that he would like to come and live in my house, where we will eat gamer food together because that is what he likes to eat and watch Marvel’s Avengers movies, which also star several of my personal friends.

Are you Henry Cavill, famous computer user? Let us know in the comments below.