Tea Spilled: Neil deGrasse Tyson Is In A Public Twitter Feud With Crash Bandicoot

We hope you’re ready to pick sides in an epic Twitter feud! Things kicked off on Monday night, when celebrity pedant Neil deGrasse Tyson sent out a weapons-grade tweet targeted at beloved 90s marsupial Crash Bandicoot:

“Sadly, the so-called ‘Crash Bandicoot’ does not fit any of the anatomical distinctions that would qualify him as a bandicoot. Sorry, Activision, but Crash Bandicoot must die.”

The official Twitter account for Crash Bandicoot issued a playful response:

“Yowza! I think I’m plenty real, Neil! Why not SPIN into your local Walmart, where you can save 20% on the N-Sane Trilogy today? Available on PLAYSTATION 4, XBOX ONE and NINTENDO SWITCH!”

While Twitter commentators generally agreed that the gregarious mascot had gotten the better of the formerly respected scientist, an enraged Tyson spat back a response that swung the argument back his way:

“You fucking little shit. Standing upright? Spinning through boxes? You bastard. If you’re a bandicoot, pull down those pants and show us your bifurcated penis.”

Even Tyson’s harshest critics had to admit that, without showing his penis, it was hard for Crash to prove his credentials as a bona fide bandicoot, and his response didn’t do much to help his case:

“Wowee, N.D.T.! Afraid it’s a no-go on the nudity – I’m a PG Pal to kids the world over! Check out Crash Team Racing Nitro-Fueled’s latest update for a new championship!”

At this point, it should have been over. But a power-mad Tyson smelled blood, and went in for the kill.

“I am DEEPLY enraged by your irresponsible claims of bandicoot lineage. You’re too big, too orange, with too many fingers. You’re a scientific impossibility, and I will wipe you from the face of the earth.”

Fans of Crash were able to distract the furious Tyson, who was reportedly fully prepared to track down and kill the platforming superstar, by sending him links to the trailer for the upcoming Sonic the Hedgehog movie. An apoplectic Tyson has reportedly since locked himself away in his bedroom with “a pair of beakers and a bunch of soluble liquids”.

Crash, for his part, seems unfazed in his most recent tweet:

“Things were hot, hot, HOT there for a moment – but not as hot as Spyro Reignited Trilogy, coming this winter to XBOX ONE and SWITCH! Preorder now at your local Gamestop!”

SHARE if you agree that, regardless of who won this fight, Crash should show his dick to clear the air!