Overwatch Team Successfully Argues That There’s “Nothing in The Rule Book” Against A Dog Playing The Game
In lighter news today, an adorable chihuahua, Smuckers, has been given permission to compete in the Overwatch Oceanic Championship alongside his team, the Happy Campers.
“We’re just so excited that Smuckers’ talents and skills are being recognised” said team captain Cynthia ‘d00gz’ Doogler. “The moment he sees Wrecking Ball on the other team, rolling around like that, he’s on it like” – she paused for a moment to chuckle – “well, like a dog on any ball, really”.
The lovable pooch has already helped his team win the regional championship, as well as the hearts of onlookers. “Well, it’s highly unconventional”, tournament organiser Harley Smutt told Point & Clickbait, “but like the kids said, there’s nothing in the rulebook against it. I predict a bright future for Smuckers in the growth industry of esports.”
We hope you enjoyed this TAIL, because Smuckers is sticking around FUR a long time!
UPDATE: Grim scenes today from the Overwatch Oceanic Championship as Smuckers, beloved canine member of the Happy Campers, has wreaked a terrible vengeance on the opposing team in the second round.
Although Smuckers seemed unfocused in the first round – foaming and panting, accidentally holding down the voice chat button as he noisily and enthusiastically investigated his own anus – things got considerably worse when an enemy Wrecking Ball appeared on the screen in the second game. Onlookers report that Smuckers flew into a blind rage, savagely mauling the opposing player, 28-year-old Gregory ‘T-Baggz’ Tuck, before turning on the rest of the team.
The events that followed left few people in the room unscathed. The Happy Campers were forced to forfeit after breaching several rules – clearly outlined in the rulebook – and the remainder of the tournament was ultimately cancelled.
When reached for comment, Blizzard’s Jeff Kaplan responded with anger and distress. “You let a dog play? A fucking DOG?”, he screamed, ripping open a loot box with his bare hands and sending duplicate items spraying across the room. “What the fuck did you think was going to happen?”
Although Smuckers was last seen barrelling out the door and pissbolting down the street, streaking the blood and viscera of his victims behind him, Cynthia Doogler remains confident that he’ll return. “He’s a good boy, really,” she said. “He always sits right on the payload when you tell him to.”