Satire Writer Considering Writing ‘Unlikely Game Gets Battle Royale Mode’ Piece

Budding online satirist Burt Burlington has today announced his intention to ponder the humourous possibility of a joke where a battle royale mode is introduced into a game that it might not suit.

Burlington, whose previous pieces include knee-slappers like “Mass Effect 3 Café Only Has Three Choices of Coffee”, “Call of Booty Gives New Meaning to the Word ‘Joystick’”, and, most famously, “Nintendo Wii All Over The Floor”, has been sketching out details for his article for two months now, and believes that he’s close to cracking it.

“Wouldn’t it be funny if, say, Mario had a battle royale mode?”, Burlington recently asked on Twitter. “That’s not the kind of gameplay model that would suit Mario at all!”. Other series under consideration include Gran Turismo and Mario Party, which Burlington considers “distinct and separate from the broader Mario franchise”.

“They say that you have to write what you know, and that any piece of satire must serve a core truth”, Burlington told his Discord group of fellow comedians. “My truth is that, 20 years ago, I ran down and killed my neighbour on a rainy night. He was going for a walk, a long walk, and I suspect there was evil on his mind that night. I saw him alone by the side of the road and my instincts took over.”

“No one ever found out. He wasn’t well liked, and I think the other people of the village must have suspected something, but if they did they all covered for me. I have known death, friends. I have seen it in my house. I still smell it on my hands, and I still dream of the man every week. I wake up hearing the wet crack of bursting flesh.”

“Arnold. His name was Arnold. He’s the reason why I need to write about the mundane being perverted by murder. This piece is my penance. I cannot know peace, but perhaps I can find some thin solace in laughter.”

“Imagine if Life is Strange had a battle royale mode, LOL”, Burlington added.