Advertising Overhaul Will Force Companies To Disclose How Many Hours You Are Likely To Spend Arguing About Each Game Online

As game advertising evolves to keep pace with the changing needs of today’s modern consumer, major publishers are now moving to update their retail boxes with an estimation of the amount of time you will spend arguing about each game online.

Under a new star rating system proposed by the Entertainment Software Association, a ‘five star’ game will only suck up ten or less hours of your life engaged in pointless online shitfighting, while a ‘one star’ title is likely to destroy fifty or more hours.

Each title will be assessed by a panel of experts, including a developer from the title in question, two people chosen at random from GameStop, a randomly selected game journalist, and a YouTuber who believes that there is a global conspiracy to mind-control people with feminism.

The new system has been welcomed by consumers, who say that it provides a useful addition to their decision-making process.

“I consider it part of the overall package,” explained gamer Belinda Flores as she browsed the shelves. “Like, the main campaign is 15 hours, then I might spend another 30 in multiplayer, and another 20 on Facebook saying that anybody who doesn’t like the game is a turbocuck from soyland.”

“That sounds like good value to me. I’d pick that up (because I’m not a turbocuck).”