Wow! This Dota 2 Card Game Perfectly Recreates The Experience Of This Sucks And Fuck This Shit And Fuck You

Valve Software’s new attempt to build a Dota 2-themed card game appears to have paid off, with early beta testers reporting that the game is already reminding them how much of a trash feeding noob they are who should get good.

Artifact features three lanes of gameplay and a complex hero and gold system, which beta players have already confirmed “means that the game can be decided in the first few minutes and then is absolute torture to wait through until you are inevitably killed and lose.”

“So, yeah, it’s perfect,” one tester added.

Although fans were worried about whether or not Artifact would be able to provide them with their regular daily intake of being told that they should get cancer and die, initial reports suggest that players should see no drop in their GCAD levels, something Valve says it has “worked overtime to achieve.”

Local Dota 2 player Alicia Nguyen told Point & Clickbait that Artifact “instantly clicked”.

“When Artifact was first announced, I thought that there was no way that a card game could make me pick up my laptop and hurl it through the window into the yard while screaming violent abuse at my family, my pets and everything around me,” Nguyen said. “Honestly, I’ve never been so happy to be wrong.”

“Fuck this stupid game. This whole thing is some fucking bullshit” she added, loading up another match.