Local Man Paralysed By Variety Of Elitism Options Available In Dark Souls Remastered

Local man Ryan Duncan can’t wait to get his hands on Dark Souls Remastered this week, after learning that the game would allow him to be an insufferable prick about PC performance and game difficulty at the same time.

Duncan, described by friends and family alike as “an intolerably smug dickhead,” explained to Point & Clickbait that the biggest challenge offered by the remastered version would be knowing what to gloat about first.

“Obviously the original Dark Souls redefined difficulty in games, offering a real challenge to real gamers who don’t want to be coddled,” the absolute wanker said in a statement today.

“There’s a reason we call it the Dark Souls of Dark Souls.”

But then, when he discovered that Dark Souls Remastered would also feature UI and HUD elements that natively render at your chosen resolution, as well as buffering, motion blur and other options, Duncan says he “didn’t know how to feel.”

“There’s no doubt in my mind that this is going to make other editions of the game look like shit,” commented the disgusting hypersnob thoughtfully. “If you’re playing it on a console or whatever, you’re definitely missing out.”

“Some people might call this the Dark Souls of Dark Souls of Dark Souls. I don’t know if I’d go that far, but I would certainly say that only a real gamer can appreciate what’s on offer here.”