YouTubers React To Idea Of New YouTubers Getting A Slice Of Their Pie

Established, popular YouTube channels have reacted with delight to the idea of newer, less popular YouTubers being excluded from the video monetisation program.

Under the new rules, YouTubers will be not be eligible for payment until they reach at least 1,000 subscribers and 4,000 hours of watch time – a move that big-time YouTuber and accidental white supremacist PewDiePie says will help to “keep those fuckers in their place”.

“I didn’t earn anything until I hit 25,000 subs. Not a single dollar,” explained PewDiePie. “I gave away hundreds and hundreds of hours of my finite human lifespan, and got nothing in return. If nobody else is willing to go through a sytem so blatantly unfair and exploitative, then quite frankly that’s on them.”

Fellow YouTuber and digital muckraker Keemstar agreed, suggesting that anyone who can’t meet Google’s arbitrary made-up guidelines was simply “bad at their job”.

“That’s the reality. That’s just how it is,” explained Keemstar. “There’s no way to change that!”

“Unless Google changes it,” he added after a moment, “which they could technically do any time they wanted, for any reason at all. But that aside, this is just how it is. Up and coming YouTubers just need to understand that.”

“This is a great way to not only improve quality control, but also ensure that people perform free labour for us, possibly forever,” said Google to Point & Clickbait in a statement. “Who knows how long it will take for new YouTubers to reach our arbitrary milestones, or if any one of their videos will be obliterated by a copyright strike for no reason?”

“Only the most committed YouTubers will be willing to run that gauntlet until they make it to The Monetisation Zone, where they can begin receiving payments which work out to less than the minimum wage.”

“We hope this will help to put to rest any concerns that we are an uncaring corporate monolith.”