Website Commenter Sets New Record For Speedrunning Article

Local man Lyle Howard is celebrating today after setting a new record for speedrunning an article on a gaming website, astonishing observers by leaving a comment only 0.5 seconds after the piece was published.

Howard attributes his success to a “rigorous training regime” of absolutely failing to read the headline, the byline, the lede, or the body copy of the article.

“It’s about the reflexes,” explained Howard on a Twitch stream after the event. “You need to practice until it’s second nature, so that when the pressure is on, you can respond without thinking. That’s how I write all of my comments.”

The veteran speedrunner has been refining his technique over the years, and has some advice for newcomers to the scene.

“A lot of new speedrunners get caught up on reading at least one or two words of the headline before skipping to the comments section,” he explained. “That’s a common mistake. It’s just going to slow you down.”

“If you really want to get up there with the greats, you need to practice until you can just feel what the article is about. The best comments come from the gut. Are any of the words in the headline or the body text really going to affect your feedback – or are you willing to move beyond that and act like a winner?”

Howard’s herculean effort just edged out the previous record of 0.65 seconds, a record also held by him.