Square Enix CEO Has Change Of Heart On Dumping IO Interactive, Garotte Marks

Square Enix’s CEO has used a press conference today to announce a sudden reversal of the decision to sell-off IO Interactive, as well as to rub at his neck and look around nervously like a man being hunted.

“Our earlier claim that it was necessary to focus our energy on key franchises other than great games like Hitman was, of course, a mistake,” explained Yosuke Matsuda, adjusting his collar to hide livid red marks on his throat.

“I have had some time to think about the issue and I now believe the way forward for Square Enix is to publish lots of Hitman games,” Matsuda continued. He paused to squint at the rooftops of nearby buildings, before adding “Maybe nothing but Hitman games. A new one every year! Why not.”

The news has taken Square Enix shareholders by surprise, some of whom may be unhappy at the sudden backflip. However, Matsuda explained that “a full list of the names and addresses of dissenting stockholders will of course be made available to any interested parties, or maybe just left on my desk while I’m out of the room,” his eyes wide and his voice strangely raised.

“Agent 47’s adventures, which are completely fictional of course, will continue for a long time to come,” he added, giving an awkward thumbs up to nobody in particular and wiping sweat from his brow with the other hand.