Local Man Can’t Believe How Easy It Was To Find The Single Person Responsible For Everything He Hates About Mass Effect

Local man and gamer Dean Newton is counting his blessings today after a cursory Google search quickly, conveniently, and accurately tracked down the one woman who was personally responsible for ruining Mass Effect Andromeda.

After seeing a non-stop conveyor belt of gifs making fun of weird facial animations and walk cycles in the upcoming game, which he has not played, Newton was initially worried it might be difficult — or even impossible — to assign blame to one specific individual in a team of hundreds.

Thankfully, clicking on the first Google result showed Newton exactly what he wanted to see: a woman who he could threaten with sexual violence.

“I wasn’t expecting it to be so easy,” Newton confided to Point & Clickbait, as he took a break between his 305th and 306th consecutive abusive, violent tweets to the woman describing the myriad of ways she was personally responsible for destroying the entire Mass Effect franchise.

“But there she was! Right there. It’s like BioWare weren’t even prepared for someone as dogged and tenacious as me to come along and go digging for the truth behind the smokescreen of lies.”

“Honestly, with information this reliable, you’d look psychotic and unhinged not to act on it!”