Duke Nukem Beginning To Suspect Bulletstorm Characters Just Humouring Him

The awkward silences in the squad after each of Duke Nukem’s witty over-the-top quips are beginning to grow longer and longer, according to reports from the surface of Stygia.

Although high command initially believed it would be a great idea to embed the older Duke into a more modern setting with modern characters, it didn’t take long for the cast and crew of Bulletstorm to tire of his bubble-gum and ass-kicking related one-liners.

Point & Clickbait understands that Bulletstorm protagonist Grayson Hunt, who grew up idolising Duke Nukem, has found the reality of his childhood hero too much to bear.

“He keeps telling everyone to ‘eat shit and die’. Over and over again. Like to the point where I’m worried about his brain,” he said.

“And he looks at me every time he says it and waits for me to laugh. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend.”

For his part, the Duke says he isn’t bothered if the others don’t laugh at his jokes, or that they get frustrated when he sidetracks the mission to tuck dollar bills into the underwear of strippers.

“Hell no. They put me here to do two things, and two things only,” Nukem explained.

“Kick ass, and… and chew bubble gum,” he finished defiantly, over the sound of muttered swear words.