Lead-Poisoned Children In Flint Hoping Cards Against Humanity’s ‘Holiday Hole’ Strikes Clean Water

Residents of Flint, Michigan are pulling clumps of their hair out in excitement today as they wait to see whether or not Cards Against Humanity‘s ‘Holiday Hole’ Thanksgiving stunt will strike a spring and they can finally drink clean water for the first time since April 2014.

Local Flint father of three Rolando Ray, who can’t sleep at night for worry that his lead-exposed children will grow up with permanent mental disabilities, is putting his fearful insomnia to good use by standing by with a water bottle ready to fill up.

“I can’t wait,” he said, keeping one eye on his sleeping daughter in case she had another lead-poisoning-induced seizure and needed to be rushed to hospital. “As soon as they hit that geyser, I’m going to be ready to go. I’m dying of anticipation here! Haha!”

“Also of lead poisoning,” he added helpfully.

Gamer and prank enthusiast George Bowen from Los Angeles eagerly donated $20 to the ‘Holiday Hole’ stunt, thrilled by the idea of literally throwing his money away.

“This is what Thanksgiving is all about — Americans pitching in together to help each other at a time of desperate need,” said Bowen, drinking a glass of clean, clear water with no lead in it.

“America desperately needs a giant hole like never before. And I need a good laugh! What perfect timing.”