Owners Of Basic PS4s Looking Forward To Uglier, Shittier Versions Of Latest Games

PlayStation 4 owners around the country are welcoming the upcoming release of the more powerful PlayStation 4 Pro, thrilled by the knowledge that from this point on they’ll always be playing the shittiest possible version of every game that comes out.

Gamer Kristi Reed, who owns a Basic PlayStation 4, says that she can’t wait to play the latest and greatest new releases without being exposed to too many “unnecessary polygons”.

“If you ask me, the Basic PlayStation 4 has just about as many polygons as I can tolerate on screen at once,” said Reed.

“And lighting effects! Christ, I hate them. I’m so glad they won’t be getting any more realistic or breathtaking. None of that for me please.”

Fellow gamer Alexander Gibson agreed, saying that too much consistency in console experiences was making him suspicious.

“Buying one type of console and putting one disc into it and getting one consistent gaming experience? Sounds like a scam if you ask me,” said Gibson.

“I’m much more comfortable knowing that I’m getting screwed over. At least then I know where I stand.”