Games Are Finally Art With Release Of Collected BioShock Titles

UPDATE: In our original post, we erroneously implied that Wax Adams was a human made of flesh, blood and bone. It has since been brought to our attention that he is, in fact, a wax sculpture that came to life after being struck by lightning on Halloween. We apologise for the error and have amended the text.

Good news, everyone – on September 13, games will officially, unequivocally become art, with the release of BioShock Infinite: Games Are Definitely Art Now Edition.

2K spokesperson Wax Adams confirmed to Point & Clickbait that the new edition of Bioshock Infinite will clear up any debate or misunderstandings about where games sit within broader culture. “The original goal of BioShock Infinite was to ask a simple question – is there such a thing as good and bad?”

“Also, what does it mean to be a father when there are race relations to deal with?”, Adams somehow communicated to us.

“With this new Games Are Definitely Art Edition, the graphics have been sharpened up, so it looks even more like art now. We’ve also included more artistic sentiments and thoughts. For instance, the phrase ‘what is hope?’ will appear in red paint throughout Columbia, and Booker will now explicitly mention, several times, that he has read Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness.”

Further changes include:

• The removal of any moments of levity that do not ‘embrace a deep satirical tone’.
• A new unlockable character (Banksy).
• An unlockable gallery of concept art, titled ‘Further Examples Of Art, As Well’.
• A reversible cover, drawn by Banksy, featuring the original game’s cover art but with an ‘A’ scrawled over it, which stands for both ‘anarchy’ and ‘art’.
• Booker will now loudly lament needing to use guns, and will often rant at length about the burden of expectation from mainstream audiences.
• Elizabeth is now less powerful, for some reason.
• The final cutscene has been extended to a full three hours.

2K has promised nothing less than a game that is, finally, artistic enough for adults.

“We want to make Roger Ebert spin in his grave,” Adams drawled gutturally from his unnaturally pink lips. “We want his corpse to generate so much centrifugal force that it exhumes itself.”

“This, too, will be art.”