Scientists Uncover Incredible New Ability To Criticise A Game While Still Enjoying It

For as long as anybody can remember, discussion of games has been divided into two irreconcilable camps — uncritical worship and hateful rage — but new studies by official-looking scientists may have opened up an intriguing third option.

Working in a complicated-looking laboratory with highly specialised equipment, real scientists were able to come to carefully manoeuvre their opinions in such a way that they were able to enjoy a game, while still being aware of and highlighting its more problematic social and cultural aspects.

“This is going to add a whole new dimension to raging internet comment threads,” explained chief scientist Lorraine McBride. “Previously, a commenter might read a 9/10-scoring review of, say, Grand Theft Auto 5, and go on to accuse the reviewer of being a ‘hater’ just because they quite accurately criticised the game’s raging misogyny.”

“By using the same techniques that we’ve perfected in this lab, that commenter will now be able to apply slightly more complex thinking patterns and create their own nuanced understanding of what a game says about society, the military, gender, that sort of thing.”

The new ‘nuanced opinion’ technique may take some time to be adopted by the wider gaming community, with many commenters concerned that these “academic hipsters” are “out of touch” with what real gamers want.

“I’ve constructed my entire identity out of being a Gamer, which means I am only capable of existing in a binary state of devotion or hatred,” explained one surprisingly lucid and self-aware commenter.

“This supposed ‘nuanced opinion’ may result in undesired self-reflection, which I have been working very hard to avoid.”